Savarna India International is a human rights organisation, highly acclaimed for churning out press releases once every week, alleging one violation or the other and demanding some form of government action. While the nature of the violation changes with each PR, the restrained tones and self-aggrandisement don’t. The organisation has a bunch of highly paid staff, many of whom have entered as babies and have promised to each other, over Swiggy meals and alcoholic binges, to leave the organisation only in a mortuary van. This only goes to show that they have sprung roots in the organisation which feeds them (in lakhs), reimburses their bills, gives them medical protection and literally no work to do. The members, again over Swiggy meals and alcoholic binges, ask each other philosophical questions such as ‘Why can’t savarnas fight for the marginalised?’
One of the tambrams in the organisation, Ms. D. Shakuninandan has redefined the ‘work from home’ concept to the ‘no work from office’ concept. For the narrow sighted, this might simply mean that she does no work but her credentials of having been thrown out of a previous organization for not responding to complaints of sexual harassment gives her the unshakeable belief that her domain expertise is sexual harassment and sexual violence, on which she gives unwarranted and unwanted advice at the drop of a hat. She qualifies well for the ‘obnoxious savarna of the year’ award.
The lawpol, not surprisingly, is a savarna male with an entourage of savarna women who love him and whom he loves right back. He is there to nurse every wounded savarna woman back to her usual offensiveness and can spend an entire day productively editing a tiny facebook post for appropriate presentation to the world. He is the window of judgement that savarnas take recourse to, to edit out fine issues of marginalization and discrimination.
The programs co-ordinator is a lanky Miss do gooder whose noble aspiration is to bring the entire organization under her control. Even a slight scratching has the effect of rapidly evaporating her good naturedness and bringing to the fore her savarna obnoxiousness.
The human resources incharge (1) is a brahmin with an uncanny ability to sabotage non savarna applications by making resumes disappear, mentioning wrong dates for interviews, communicating wrong timings, giving wrong addresses, and not being available to give directions to candidates- a past master at sabotaging diversity plans.
HR 2 is a wannabe director and heart throb, who imagines aggression to be assertiveness and bullying to be firmness. He believes that there is absolutely nothing that he doesn’t know and that he has a natural capability to run all projects singlehandedly. When offered an opportunity to be aggressive and bullying, he will grab it.
There is also the IT solutions tambram who depends entirely on a hard working team of staff so that she can come in only once in a way to collect her payslip.
The primary expertise that the communication expert of the organisation possesses is the expertise of communicating her woes very effectively to anyone who is willing to listen. She sincerely believes that human rights means concerted efforts being made by an entire organization to protect her own rights. Although high maintenance and low productivity, she will never face the sack because of her savarna affiliations.
The eternally young feminist believes that by age she is a child but a 90 year old in expertise of women’s rights. Her articulation skills involve stretching a one line sentence to twenty. Her skills of balancing excessive crying with excessive laughing help her to weave her way into the hearts of her savarna colleagues – a much loved and much protected savarna feminist and past master at appropriation.
Miss Cure All F. is the self-appointed conscience keeper of the organization and intellectual philosopher- a ‘miss know it all’ with grandiose plans and zero implementation who dabbles in multiple theories of change ensure nothing but a regular salary.
While adivasis ask rather petulantly if they should eat coal when there is no food, the coal queen’s solution is to eat cake when there is no coal. She drowns her distress for all the suffering adivasis in some well brewed alcohol and a chocolatey piece of coal cake. She is a bubbly little strip of sunshine to her savarna colleagues. Following close in her footstep is the coal princess – an aspiring casteist with adequate training from other committed and dedicated savarna trainers. Being a quick learner she has rapidly acquired the skills of good casteism and believes that she will soon transition to coal queen with her very own dedicated coal cake. The coal prince believes he needs to be the face of work in coal and also of the organisation. A staunch brahmin lover and brahmin protector, he is ready to engage in any devious plan to promote his brahmin coterie while feeding adivasis vegetarian food and gandhian values.
The coterie of managers of this mind-blowingly unproductive organisation includes manager one – a Bengali Brahmin, casteist in every behavior, but ‘sympathetic to the caste issue’. Surrounded by appreciative savarna interns, he believes in the theory that if you ignore a problem long enough, it will go away, which he demonstrations by exclusion of dalit issues in all his work. Manager two – media manager and self-appointed savior of savarna women with a charming cuteness and a beguiling sense of humour. Feigning to be very knowledgeable and easy going, he monitors social media for every ‘like’, and emails for any slur on his savarna buddies. If so detected, he chooses the roundabout way of asking for explanations from a friend of a friend of a friend of a perceived enemy. Easier to just ask directly, darling. Manager three is a spineless dalit male with grandiose future plans of breaking caste structures. His current plans involve being dominated by every savarna around him and pretending to like it while complaining in the backdrop. Manager four is a dalit woman and wannabe brahmin who works hard to be lazy, incompetent, unaccountable and prejudiced. She feels entitled to all the bad behavior that savarna women are eligible for and strongly believes, in the spirit of sisterhood, equality and solidarity, that, dalit women have a right to be as unethical as savarna women and works ‘hardly’ to ensure the same. Manager five has devious strategies to get round the vexing social issues surrounding her. While strategy one is to pretend in public that the issues don’t exist, strategy two is to pretend in private that they do, and ever willing to share these ‘strategies’ even without be asked.
The international director of this esteemed organisation gives speeches about the extreme discrimination he has faced for his dark complexion, while forgetting to mention how his caste privilege helped him sail through IITs, Schools of Economics and other such hallowed places which equally dark skinned dalit men would have no hope of accessing. The local executive director of this hallowed space demonstrates benevolent good will towards dalits while being an accommodative friend of the savarnas. He is too busy with writing pointless news pieces to get into the nitty gritties of rampant casteism in his organization. Thwarted applications and open discrimination are issues he hopes will resolve over time and he lives in constant hope.
Savarna Rao, the program director whose idea of paying attention to details in human rights work is the shade of blue and GSM quality of a brochure. She amicably allows larger pressing human rights concerns to pass her by. New ideas excite her irrespective of relevance, cost or context and she is happy to insist on implementing them, till a new set of ideas come along. Her key skills as program director of a human rights organisation are throwing many parties and dancing at every occasion.
Last but not least, is Spinduja Lyingar – a past master of spin and lies but devoid of most other things that ordinary folks might value, such as integrity, ethics and decency. Since she feels entitled to not being accountable, she serves no useful purpose other than sabotaging processes. Suffering from delusions of grandeur and chronic narcissism, she is a close competitor for ‘obnoxious savarna of the year’ award.
This coterie of worthless savarna beings infest these human rights organisations, feeding off each other and feeding each other, pretending that they care about human rights.